nd today was important too…i realized to a certain relief of mine that finally i had answers to some questions…

well sumthin strange happened to me ..i mean really whacky…i realised i was not what i used to think i was…(sounds stupid…damnit it is !!!)..i realized a few facts about my nature…all these years i had to be the one with largest group of friends and social aquaintances….its as if i was being led into this life by some godforsaken force into being sumthin else…..nd then it hit me i am not meant to be this !!!..i feel best when i am left all alone in solitary recluse of the desolate desert called my loneliness… knw what vaise..i actually feel pretty good about my self now…in fact when i look back i realize that i had it coming…
of course it wasnt an over night realization or attainment of divine knowledge in a flash…i had been feeling down nd outright bogged down by life in general nd i had no clue why i had this sodden feeling…well..now i know…it is as if i sumthing had made this indellible impression on me, imprinting on my brain that i ‘need to be with people’ and all my actions were governed by this so called inner voice…
of course hvin frnds is not xactly a pain in the arse…but wht i mean is life would be much more convenient for me if i was left alone to my state…
i still remember i used to be shit scared of lonliness….but it was actually exactly the opposite, i secretly in a perverse way desired the dark and lonely anonymity of solitude…

u knw once a frnd of mine said sumthin to me which i found really incomprehensible at that time…’there is no need to talk’…nd guess wot…now i think i whole heartedly belive in it…he said u actually can live ur life without talking…may be his idea of being an introvert is on an entirely different level…but yeah there is definitely some truth in his words….

well now the question before me is how do i change my self from the enacted me to the real me…cuz thts gonna ruffle some real smooth feathers or may be i dont..nd carry on this charade of happy-go-lucky boy next door…yeah it is a charade cuz one thing which i am not is normal in the usual senses…

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Posted on April 5, 2006, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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