the feelin of uselessness and worthlessness pretty much returned today….but not at the usual vague and blurred philosophical level rather it was sumthing much more definitive and precise in my mind this time…
as i sat in the lab tapping away at the keyboard… doing yet another inconsequential sumthin, surrounding by people(quite a few of them) wrkin on their nth projects or sumthin to that tune, i was forced to ask this question to myself that what exactly do i want from my life…luckily it didnt spark another gloomy mood change neither did i banish myself into self depricating desert land(well belive such stupid questions used to do this to me)…i handled it pretty cooly..(mus be one of the after effects of the recent realization and the subsequent transition in me)…..
all thru my engg. so far i hv ducked any responsibility comin my way…infact i never even bothered to do anything worthwhile jus cuz i had found an impregnable shield…an excuse or rather loophole in this whole system…i argued that since i had no intentions of continuing in technical line anymore there is no use for me to learn anyhting out of these 4 yrs….
but now that works no more….i have no clue whatsoever regarding the direction that i wish to take later…to tell u the truth i am a real lazy bum in many senses…nd more acurately i jus luv to duck out of any challenging situation..wud had no complaints if were to be treated as an also ran while i was whiling away on a hammock instead of sweating it out to be the numero uno…i guess thts what is called escapism…nd urs truly is the model escapist…

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Posted on April 6, 2006, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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